Going Backwards, Actually.

So I'm going back through old writings. and adding them here so I can look at them together. and these will be from my whiny dealing with Jerkface. Often I find myself reading them right after I wrote them and thinking "yeah, in your face, you suck." but then a week or so later I look at it again and think, "man, I'm lame." so yeah.

I've decided that it's time
To let this ice chip on my shoulder melt.
It's time to allow myself to be vulnerable
Around someone.
It's time to let someone make me happy
Without worrying about the results.
I'm ready to let someone in, to let someone
Meet the real me.
To fall in love with me.
It's time to stop fighting the losing battle
It's time to put away my impenetrable armor
And give it another shot.
It's time to say goodbye to those good time friends
Who never really care what's going on
Or where you've been.
I'm ready to take a chance, risk a glance,
Let someone notice that I notice.
I want to be noticed. I want my heart stolen.
I don't want to worry about it getting broken
Again. If it happens, it happens.
I've survived this before.
I want to hold hands, have pointless late night
Conversations. I want to think about someone
All the time and smile because they're probably
Thinking of me too.
I want to taste someone else's pain, and revel in their
Happiness. I want to see their days and be there for them
When their night time comes.
I want to write poems about falling in love instead
of falling apart.
I want to finally feel like I have a right to these things
Instead of wondering whether or not
I'm even deserving of someone's attention.
I want someone to think I'm beautiful
Even in my ratty jeans with my hair a mess.
I want to impress him without even trying,
Yet to feel like he's worth the extra effort.
I want someone who I can finally tell
This is why I am this way, so please be patient
And I want so badly for him to understand.

(note: I finally found a word that actually exists for that armor line. i'm a dork.)