12 February 2009

(G), the Insensitive Bastard, and Gerald

I remember happy times
most often found me sitting
in your car.
The soundtrack to these times is
always the same, like we never had
anything else to listen to back then.
The places always change
from boat landings, to driveways,
to the open road.
Yet the feeling is always the same.
You are always the same.
Always the perfect guy that
Made me happy.

In those happy moments I was
always able to be myself, holding nothing back
because you could handle me as is.
You weren't like the rest of them
or I told myself that at least.
I relished that thought and held it close
even if I couldn't really hold you.
You let the hope live that it would happen
You'd come around.

the Insensitive Bastard
You never came around, at least not for me.
Someone else got to take a chance on you.
I realized you weren't so different
like I had always thought.
You were just as guilty of listening to
whispers and rumors
even if you weren't responsible for spreading them
you still collected them and added them to
your opinion. Your image of me.
You did not take the time to
get to know me.
You just took on the view that everyone else
that never knew me held.

You broke the pedestal I had put you on
with just one simple statement
and you, as usual, were so caught up in you
that you never noticed the change in
Stature you had in my life.
To you, nothing had changed
while to me I lost a best friend
that I had fallen in love with.
When I cried for that, for you,
you would never know.

sooo... i haven't finished this one yet. but i figured i'd go ahead and put that much up. ::shrugs::

Fix You/Fix me.

And in that moment... I knew.
That moment when a song came on
I knew I didn't want to hear it.
Yet some basic part of me screamed
That I had to hear it
Because I knew I needed to realize
I don't have a handle on dealing with you.
The tears came down, and suddenly
All I wanted to do was turn my
Car around and head straight to you.
I wanted to catch you off guard
And throw my arms around you.
Before you even had the chance
I'd tell it all, completely let down my wall
No care what you thought about it,
Just happy to have it said.
No more hiding behind a shelter of unspoken words
No more hoping that you have figured things out.
In that moment of craving those words, that music
I found what I need from you
Found what I had to give up
The burden I could no longer carry
Just for the sake of safety.

01 May 2008

And Now You Know

You should know that somewhere between
Then and now, here and there,
You lost my heart.
You lost me waiting, you lost me wondering
What was going on in that head of yours.
Somewhere between the first time and the last time
You shut me out without giving me a reason
I threw up my hands and walked away
While you had your back turned.
All those little things that worked in the past
To bring me crawling back aren't going to work.
It's over and I'm done, though I doubt you
Will even care, because you'll have someone else.
I'll still feel better for it.
It's about time I got on with my life,
Whether it really crumbles around me like I have
Imagined it would without you or not.
At least this way I can say it fell apart with me
In control instead of struggling along holding on
To you.
I'm cutting off those anchor lines, even if it means
I'md destined to fail.

Roland (David)

I know it is just a waste of time
To wonder what could have been if our
Paths had crossed some other way.
In a way where you weren't the best friend
And I wasn't the unofficially claimed girl.
Doesn't stop the thought from crossing my mind though.
Would the never ending drama be lessened?
Could I still turn to you during late night
Doubts about the state of life?
How different would things be if we
Didn't have to see each other as off limits?
I'd love the chance to get to know you better,
To get past that hard ass sarcastic exterior
And see what it is that sets you off.
You're a fascinating subject to me
And I long for the chance to learn anything
You'd be willing to give up to me.
You are the tall dark figure walking with
A slight swagger through the landscape of my life,
Romantacized, but lacking full dimension.

Another Night

I drive for miles even after the glow
Of the service engine soon light shows.
Ever wonder what it would be like
If the world was flat and you could
Drive straight off the edge?
Probably would never actually do it,
But there would be something full of life
About the knowledge that you could.
It's an interesting thing that there are
So many roads to take you to the same places.
There is comfort in the knowledge that
You don't have to take the same way out
As you went in.
It's the idea that you can make it out
Even if you have burned every bridge
As you passed.
A dead end is just a temporary set back.
And the people that you meet...
Sometimes it's just a matter of passing each other by
But occassionally you crash into each other
Or have to ask directions, but there they are,
A person in your life.

My Daddy

You taught me the importance of knowing
When to lay it all on the line,
You taught me to fight even when
It's a losing fight, because it's a matter
Of right and wrong.
You taught me there's a million ways to say I love you
And many of them go unnoticed.
They mean it just just the same though.
You taught me how to be stubborn,
And how to tune people out, cut them off,
How to lie.
But you also taught me strength, courage,
And to be myself.
You have hard lessons sometimes,
With the help of your old friend Jack,
A bloody lip, unsteady step.
I never thought I'd learn a thing from you,
But I've been learning all along.
Just wish I had paid more attention to the good.


I'm just trying to say I love you
In whatever way I can manage.
You think you know already but you
Don't really understand.
You're the only person I want to
Turn to on nights like tonight,
But you don't really want anything to do
With me.
I'm probably a waste of your time,
But you haven't found anything else to
Fill the time so you still keep me around
And I'm thankful for the time you manage
To spare on me.
You don't really mean the things
You say, but it makes me feel better
So I don't really care.